Introspection

Quite recently I became embroiled in a situation that, I had hoped I wouldn’t have to face until much later. But as it is there are some things in life that are never meant to be. It had been too naïve of me to call together a group of so-called ‘like-minded people’ that I had handpicked from my own classmates, creating a storm that I hadn’t even anticipated in my wildest dreams. That particular event, all of it, from my ‘stupidity’ to the long hours spent to pacify people who never even wanted to calm down, taught me one thing- people will misinterpret everything you do, just because what you did was something that hurt their sense of being, even though they know at the back of their minds that the thing you did was the correct one. The main thing that stung me was the fact that during the course of entire conversation or discussion as you might call it, I was constantly reminded of the fact explicitly that this was not a personal attack at my integrity or my sense of judgment, something that hadn’t even knocked on the doors of my mind even once. All the time I was under the impression that people had questioned just my actions and nothing more, but the fact remained that my motives, though clearly stated to everyone, were been put to scrutiny by people who sadly believed that everyone in this world works for only himself. That evening after the fateful meeting I spent more than 5 hours into deep conversations with people, even though others on my side gave up and simply left because they couldn’t take this closed mind concept anymore. I had to tap down into my deepest reserve of self control just not to raise my voice and make those in doubt see the light at the end of the tunnel as clearly as I could but alas, their eyes were so hazy with smoke of burnt egos that they couldn’t even make out me standing there less than a feet away, stretching a hand out in order to guide them to outside the door. Those on the opposite camp, when asked who they would pick up if they were in my shoes gave the same names. This was one thing that didn’t make sense at that particular point of time. But more I thought about it, the more I became aware of the underlying question, hidden behind those replies that I received- why is that you did not pick me? The answer was so simple that it could not be even grasped by the ever over-thinking minds that raised doubts. I just said that based on the past record that I am aware of I caught hold of people, people I knew would work, taking care to bake the cake without wishing to take a piece for themselves. To this came back the inevitable reply- I was not given the proper platform in order to showcase my talents. To this I could only sit there and make no comment. What would you reply when people say like that? For one whole year you live in the same place, interact everyday and then you say you didn’t get the chance? The fact remained somewhere in the minds, who gave him the authority. The word authority demines the thing that I did. What I did was just to take the matters into my own hands, at a time when nobody else bothered to. Where were the naysayers then? Sleeping in their holes, waiting until somebody pushed a hot iron down their throats? Where were these huge egos when I was trying to take a small step in making this a better place to live? I don’t say what I did was completely correct but then again I also am not saying I was completely wrong. All these things lie in the gray area, with the decision to term them either black or white resting solely with the listener after and I say only after listening to the both sides of the story. At the end I can only say this- it is does not matter what you think about what you did, what matters is how many egos were burnt in the process. Just one thing makes me feel good, thankfully this happened at a low level and not at corporate level where I could lose my job over all this!