I had a dream...

I had a dream. While there is nothing strange about it, the eerie reality of the dream shook me up. I could actually feel the adrenalin rush, whilst I was there. the smell of the rooms I went in, the faces of the people I saw so clearly, people I had never seen in my life, be it my friends or even a single face amongst the flood of people on the train station, and the actual feeling of holding and object and using it really made me uneasy when I woke up. These types of dreams have in fact happened to me in the past but the only difference this time around was that I woke up to find my mobile on my bedside, on which I typed out at least ten words that I knew would bring all those memories of the dream back. They did not. The intricate details of dream, the faces and smells are lost to me. The basic outline remains, using which I try to reconstruct what happened. What had happened was pretty normal for an over-imaginative mind like mine. There was this hostage situation in my college and I was unaware of it. So unknowingly I start walking to the hostel and then suddenly I’m pulled into the bushes and told everything that has happened till then. I somehow manage to get a gun, if I remember correctly .22 magnum, and start taking pot shots at the attackers on the roof-top. What happened next was something that made me remember this particular dream. I could very clearly see the faces of the people on the roof, joking and smiling. The feeling of drawing up a gun and shooting it at them, was so real that I could actually feel the weight of the gun and the recoil when I woke up, even though I haven’t even laid my hands on a .22 magnum. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that I had fired upon a human being, with the smoke in my eyes but my heart refused to believe that. That is power of the so called sub conscious mind. The sub conscious mind is something that has baffled people from all over the world, across generation. Some say you attain the next level of consciousness with it, some say that you travel different planes of this universe with this. I don’t know about that, but that feeling was so profound that I later would actually feel the tears in my eyes when I talked about it. Why tears? I can only say that when anything life changing happens to you its then the mind is so much affected that it pains to think about it.
I shall always connect my mind with the feeling of Déjà Vu. That feeling at a microsecond that makes me gasp, the feeling of my being already here is so compelling that I can hardly breathe. The sheer clarity, the most breathing taking accurateness is very scary. Some time back an image was in my mind of me taking part in a contest with a friend of mine, with I would have never partnered with normally. This image soon drifted off in to the oblivion, and up came up a contest. Believe it or not, with life playing games with me, I was sitting there with the same person, when it struck me as a lightning bolt, making me swear out loud at the sheer audacity of my mind, that yes! I have been here. The position of the pen, the exact sitting style of my partner, was so uncanny like the image that I had, that I couldn’t speak for a minute. That moment hung like a bell, suspended in the air for me to observe. Later when I got down to thing about all that had happened, I could only display astonishment at what had happened, it was as if my mind had acquired psychic powers. But it is not a very uncommon thing,
Mind like I said is indeed a powerful thing. Be it the déjà vu thing or dreams, it is really creepy. There is again this feeling of being watched. The head moves on its accord, with no prior indication, just turns in a direction and poof, there is in fact someone watching you. The most compelling feeling comes when you are in a crowed place. When there is a magnitude of people around, how the hell did I turn my head exactly to where someone was watching me? Some say people have the same feeling and they turn and there you are turning at the same instant staring at them. I don’t about this but then again if I get this feeling I shall go up to the person and ask him/her about it, if in fact he/she had the same compelling feeling to turn around. Mind is a mysterious object, and I somehow feel the science wouldn’t be able to understand even if it tries its level best.

Time

Time. The thing that once gone makes even the most successful person long for it. The last few months flew by me, while I was just sitting on the pavement, watching the cars bearing the dates on their door pass me by. The cars sped by with so much speed, that it dazed me for some time, and so much so that I couldn’t even make out the number on some of those. Even today, as I sit in one of the cars that did stop, I repent my inability to flag the others down. The feeling of loss for the time gone by makes me laugh sheepishly at my own mistake. The nervous laughter that emits from my mouth clearly indicates what I actually feel, the look in my eyes cementing the feeling in place. No matter what I say, what excuses I make up, the thing always remains, the amount of time that has gone by is astronomical. Time, just like water, follows past you no matter what ever you may try. If you try to put in your hand in the stream, the water would just flow past the hand, through the cracks. No matter what you try or do you cannot stop the flow of water, since ultimately it has to go back to where it belongs, the cycle of life. So is time also a part of the cycle of life, does the time lost at some point of time return back to you at some later day? Or does the time not return, rather comes back to haunt you? And when in fact it comes, is the haunting doubled or tripled, making the cost of one month in the past into three months in the future? One thing is for sure, time is never wasted. Maybe it is used in something’s that could decide the next course of life. Could I be missing the point here? Was I to busy just watching the cars pass me by to see the people that walked along on the pavement behind me, now and then, inquiring about why was I not walking along with them? Was it my fault that I stopped on the Path of Life, just because the speed scared me? The fact that if I had walked along the path, the speed of the cars could have appeared slower makes a timid motion from the back benches. The fact simply stands up and says, “What if?” to which I have no reply. Hanging my head in shame I step down from the car, and walk back to the house just across the street, the house that harbours the repenting souls that are dissatisfied, the House of Life. As I take a walk along the wall looking at the Tapestry of Life, I can see the strands that have broken away from it and now hang loose. These strands of the thread make me believe for a moment that there is in fact a single quick fix solution to make things right. That solution is to use a cello tape and to join everything together to the best of ability. But then when I really try to get down to do the thing, it seems to me that the solution is as mentioned nothing but a quick fix one. My mind wonders, “What if I take up a needle and a few extra threads and spent time carefully sewing back the unsettled threads.” What then? Would this stitching hold? Or by the time I finish one of the ends the other one would start to unravel. One thing is for sure, no matter how hard I try threads would always spring up from the tapestry. But the only thing I hope is that these threads are in fact from the farther ends, so that they don’t trouble me.

Even as the owls start to yawn, I sit in the front of the computer smack in middle of the night, with nothing else on my mind except as to how I wasted the last few months, my mind begs me to reconsider the fact that what is gone, has gone and that time has already left the building, you cannot do anything about it, at least not by writing things in metaphors, things that you think mean something but sadly would make even an ounce of sense to people, because it is too abstract, nah who am I kidding here, because it is too much of bullshit (:D).